Neil Gaiman

I mentioned to the remarkable Amanda Palmer (currently about to do some small practice gigs with her new band then record a new album in Melbourne, Australia) that I wished there was someone who’d magically show up and make me a cup of tea or who I could have dinner with. It’s the sort of thing you say, in passing, over the phone, to your wife when you’re off on your own in a borrowed house, writing, and not actually seeing anybody at all during a normal day.

She not only agreed enthusiastically, but now seems to be planning some kind of Win a Dinner With Neil Contest. (“I could have each contestant send a photo and write a hundred words on why they are not crazy or at least not dangerously crazy….”)

Which made me grin ruefully, sigh, shake my head, and start plotting something a lot less complicated than Amanda’s If You’re In Florida You Could Win a Dinner With Neil competition…

I have hatched a small mad scheme of my own for Amanda for Valentine’s Day in Melbourne. (It wasn’t easy. I know she won’t be impressed with flowers. And I’ve already sent her burlesque dancers, two Valentine’s Day ago. But she really likes being loved… And I thought, as a husband 12,000 miles away, I wonder if I could arrange that…)

This is the plan: tomorrow, which will be Valentine’s Day in Australia, somewhere around 8:00pm, Amanda will be getting off a tram somewhere in Melbourne. I do not know exactly where or when, but I will know in a few hours, when I wake up and about the time people in Melbourne are falling asleep. And I’ll post the time and the location here when I do. It will probably be either very close to a pub or a venue.

And I want any of you who think it might be an interesting way to spend a little time to turn up to wherever-the-place is, and kiss her, and let her know it’s from me. (That is important.) (Well, it is to me.) The kiss can be anything from a polite peck on the cheek to a full-on pash, as long as she’s comfortable with it. Just tell her it’s from me. And that invitation applies to members of all and any genders, and to people of all ages, ethnicities, body types and humanoid species (yes, Neanderthals, I’m looking at you here).

I’m announcing this here on Tumblr because I do not think Amanda ever spends much time on Tumblr. Twitter, yes. Blog, yes. Tumblr and Facebook, no.

And yes, I know that there are no secrets on the Internet. And obviously any of you can blow my whole mad surprise plan of having a lot of people turn up and unexpectedly kiss her from me, by simply tweeting to her that she should come and read this, or (if you are in Melbourne) just mentioning the plan it to her if you see her on the streets.

But… please don’t.

(Or, in the immortal words of Wil Wheaton, Don’t Be a Dick.)

(If you need to talk about this on Twitter, don’t mention her Twitter name (@amandapalmer) and she’s unlikely to read it.)

She probably won’t suspect anything. 

And PART 2 - WHERE and WHEN will post when I get the location, tomorrow…

[Edit to add, Part 2 is now up, in http://neil-gaiman.tumblr.com/post/17554065247/good-morning-melbourne-the-amanda-palmer-valentines]